I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
