He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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