I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
