I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
