Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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