dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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