Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
