hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
