what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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