took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
