My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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