my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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