I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
