The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
