Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
