eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
