yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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