So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
