I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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