I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They took my balls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
