Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
not ubering you a puppy
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
