She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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