so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
