matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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