also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize