roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
