fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
