Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
