why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
