I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
