so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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