I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize