i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
