Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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