Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
