I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
