They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
