The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
