If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
