Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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