I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm too high and old for this...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
