well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
