is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
