if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He better not be in your backpack
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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