I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
