Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
