Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
