he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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