The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.