Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today