he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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