he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The power of my boobs compel you