Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid