Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm getting married