Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.