after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
