we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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