how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
