Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
True but thats because hes a fetus.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
