god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
