The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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