We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize