just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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