the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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