I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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