I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
