I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
