Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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