I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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