Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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