I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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