i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
