I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
