I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
