The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
