You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
