Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
