whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
