True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
