I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
