hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
