My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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