Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
