oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
