Will you blow on my dice?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
