did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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